Saturday, January 29, 2005

People are such an endless fountain of joy and interest to me.. some people more than others perhaps, but that is only natural.. it is a very human thing to connect more easily with one person than the next. It must depend on.. well I'm not exactly sure what it depends on, but there is a very tangible difference in communication with different people.

Yesterday I had the great fortune to spend both the day, and the evening, sharing great dialogue with two very special individuals. Both of whom have in common the fact that they allow me to connect with them, on a profound level, with surprising ease. I find communicating with people like them highly enjoyable.. and undeniably valuable.
It is my experience that the people that enter one's life are primarily people with whom one communicates with a mixture of ease and effort. This is the larger part of one's group of acquaintances and friends. Then, there is the smaller group of people with which communication is a constant effort.. these usually fall into the category of acquaintances or minor acquaintances - or, not uncommonly, family. If communication is a constant effort (sometimes for lack of initiative from the hands of one or both, or their insecurities), the relationship develops rather slowly, or not at all. In these cases, naturally, there is work to be done. One should not give up, but keep up the effort.. because eventually I believe, if one earnestly tries, there is always a dimension to be commonly reached, where connection is struck.
And then, magnificently, there is the handful of people where communication is easy and seemingly totally effortless. There is a magical flow between people, and a heart-to-heart bond and understanding, or sincere curiosity, is mutually shared. It may be that by making the effort to get to know people, however easy or challenging it turns out to be, these individuals enter your life as prizes for the humanitarian effort you have made. It may be ..

In communicating with people of the magical flow kind, I almost find that in the space in between oneself and the individual there is formed an abstract dimension where an enhanced sense for life emerges. To make it even more fantastic; it is almost as if the individuals commonly cast a spell.. they combine their mental energies and in so-doing start to see further and beyond their everyday horizons. This is one of the beautiful wonders of life.

Thankfully, I have already got a few of these people in my life.. and they mean an awful lot to me. In yesterday's case, however, the characters involved in this profound drama of life were, firstly, my sister.. how lucky am I .. but she and I have recently started to get to know each other better, .. and secondly, a brand new friend who hasn't ceased to surprise and amaze me in the short while I have known him.
So, conclusively, people are treasures .. and I have just added two more diamonds to my lot. I'm a fortunate guy, wouldn't you agree..

Passionately,
..kH

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I have decided, regarding the matter of names and details of my past personal experiences (that involve other people), to not give them up, to any real extent at least. I feel it respectful to those involved... however, I will include names and more detailed accounts of my present experiences and future ones - even if they involve other people.

This.. is my b*log philosophy..

...
Now, ... what I have done, since my last entry, is not much..

Yesterday I spent pondering and reading ... drinking coffee, which is not unusual of me .. utterly bohemian some might think, well excuse me if that is what my life has turned into.. but it suits me, mainly because I know I will become quite active again in a relatively short time.

My school in Slovakia contacted me and explained that they had been unable to provide me with a single-room accommodation, even though they had claimed it was a possibility on the entry form. What I have instead is a three-bedroom flat, which I will share with three of my Rosie B fellows.. I do actually expect it to be a cozy and interesting environment, as long as I do have a room of my own within which I can shut myself away from anything external if I feel so inclined. Privacy is essential to my mental well-being I fear..

Today I have done something very important. I have made an effort to tie loose emotive ends, sort of a settlement of emotional accounts from my part, to do with my last - and recently deceased - relationship. I have learned through valuable experience that doing this is very important for me. I have managed to do it on most occasions, but with every break-up the time it has taken me has shortened. In other words: I have become more efficient in the cleansing of my emotional life.
The execution of this settlement takes on different forms, and I earnestly believe each individual has their own way of doing this... for me it always comes down to heart-to-heart dialogue (which is a brilliant form of communication anyway) or written form. In some cases I feel one option more appropriate than the other, whereas sometimes I could go with either one - and then I usually go for the dialogue. In this current case something told me the written form would be more clear, and more valuable for the future. I may find at some point that I was wrong, .. but I took the written path and I feel confident now that it will only have positive effects.

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Right, I leave it at this for now..

Deeply,
..kH

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Here below is the overview of my past months, as promised (to myself mostly) .. it helps one to gain a better hindsight to run over events and emotive experiences of the past..

...
By mid-September 2003 I left the Icelandic shore to begin my studies in England. I entered a brilliant BA (Hons.) course called European Theatre Arts, at an amazing university for the theatre arts, Rose Bruford College (of speech and drama). We reside at the verge of London, well maybe not the total verge of.. the area is called Sidcup, and is geographically both in Kent county and in the city of London .. huge city, that .. a city of 6 zones, and we are in the 5th. Sidcup feels like a small sleepy town, where people come to die or temporarily educate their children beyond the craziness and bad influences of city life. Suburb, if ever there was one. Rosie B seems to be the establishment that really keeps the area alive, even though there are dozens of preparatory and elementary schools all over Sidcup, and further.

The area only has two seasons; summer and fall.

My studies have gone amazingly well ... I get the highest grades no matter what I do, it seems. Talent? Luck? Wheel of Fortune? .. Perhaps, hard work and interest? But it feels great! And I love it, every bit of it .. the course and what we study, the teachers, my class mates .. the squirrels in the trees surrounding us (apparently they are quite vicious creatures, but they look cute cuddly and harmless - and brave). My course primarily looks at physical and avant-garde theatre practice, and it has blown my mind and whole perception of theatre. That adds to the amazement of it all; to not only get great marks but really feel your studies revolutionize your mind. Keeps me fit as well!

Another main category of experiences is, as always, the love life. I like to think of myself as being quite cautious when it comes to the matters of boys and entrusting someone else with my feelings. So, I tend to take it rather slow. Which I prefer anyway; I'd rather end my life having had few but very special relationships, than dozens of lovers and not be able to remember some of them. My original idea was to find the one and end my life with him .. well, life usually has different plans for us than we do ourselves .. so that has not quite happened.
Three individuals danced the mating dance with me a while during the past year-and-a-half, two of which emerged from the mating jig as boyfriends - one I dated a few times, shared some intimate moments with, but ultimately could not bring myself to take things further with.
All three of them are beautiful and mind-blowing individuals, each in their own special way. I sure know how to pick'em.. or maybe I'm just such a fortunate guy to be myself picked out by the kindest of souls.. whichever way the tables turn, these experiences have been very important.

I am not sure if I should go into more details.. should I name names? Should I tell highlighted stories from the relationships? What happened? How did we meet? Why did we part? I need to ponder that matter a while longer.. so, for now I leave it at this: (apologies to non-Icelandic readers)

Okkar óðum fækka fundir,
fyrnist ást,
ástin þín,
ekki mín,
ástin þín, sem brást.
Ekkert getur lengur stytt mjer
stundir.
Sorgin hún er trygg og trú,
trygg og trú,
trúrri en þú,
þó hún mæði mig á allar lundir.
Jeg vildi að sorgin,
-- ég vildi að þú, --
-- vildi að þú --
-- værir sorgin.
(Ljóðið Sorgardans eftir Gest)

I'd like to emphasize, to those who understood the above poem, that my feelings are not as clouded with sarcasm as the poet's.. the poem is brilliant nonetheless and touched me.

--
Signing out for now,

..kH

Monday, January 24, 2005

Alright ... hereby this blogsite has been turned into an English-written logsite, where I do honestly intend to keep track of my daily life and describe it in minute details to anyone interested. It has been a problem for me to arouse my own interest in logging my daily activities, and thus this site has 'till now been left to rot on the world-wide web .. changes will be made, this site will now be ripe with life and interesting anecdotes .. well, at least I pledge to do my best.

An exciting time for me, this .. not coz I have now made a vow to log my life on-line .. but because of the whole moving abroad business. As some of you may know, I am a homeless man .. a young man without a proper roof over my head. I live with relatives and friends .. no, I don't even "live" as such, I dwell .. that is what I do .. I dwell with family and friends. I feel like a tramp. But it is the unfortunate fate of the student, especially the international student, to not really have a place to call his or her own.

For my time in my lovely native land, Iceland, my grandmother has been nice enough to house me. For this I am deeply grateful. For my time in London I have rented a house along with 3 other fellow students. That house is not my home ... it doesn't feel like my home .. it feels like a hole into which I crawl at the end of the day .. within which I sleep and eat and all-that-jazz .. but lo' and behold, that is coming to an end .. my 3 fellow students are graduate students who will be moving out by the end of this term. What shall I do? where shall I move next? Will I keep the house? Will my landlord pity me and let me search for new housemates? Will I .. live in a box? to be continued ...

Now, frightfully soon I will be moving-yet again woohoo!, but this time to the hopefully-lovely city of Bratislava in Slovakia (half of the former Czechoslovakia.. I am not entirely sure how that is spelled) . Exciting, yes, frightening, a bit.. I am sick of moving! Luggage is one of the most horrible things in the universe.. luggage on trains is worse! luggage on buses even worse! Luggage on my back.. death! - Sometimes I fantasize about leaving all my stuff and travelling naked with only my passport ... *sigh* in a perfect world I'd even discard my passport.

Well, this logsite is mainly kept for the sake of interested family members and friends, as I foresee great adventures in the next five months. Of course I may be terribly wrong, and nothing of note will happen .. but odds are something at least worth mentioning will.

Considering the length of time that has passed since I last b*logged, I should really write an overview of my past months.. I will, I shall just allow myself some time to arrange the material (recollecting, editing, pondering) before I start writing.

Anyway, Hansablogg is alive and well ... and I shall try and be responsible for keeping it that way ..

Respectfully,
..kH