I have absolutely nothing to say ..
and yet I say (palimpsest)
Had a DvD night with friends, watched interesting filmmaking. I love it when mediums interrogate themselves. Challenge their boundaries. Red wine tastes nice, makes you feel all warm. Goes well with cheese some claim. I'm not so sure. Wine is not complementary to food. It is .. to be drunk after food, or before. Maybe I'm just eccentric. People tell me I am. Am I?
I am bored I guess. I guess I am bored. Guess I bored am I.
Surely there are thoughts I can share. How might I, through use of my performers' personal material, and random composition, press them to a state of performative urgency? So they stay "on the ball" and yet playful? A pre-occupation of mine these days. Grant me a good mark. I'm a fucking fraud.
Irritated.
I've been spending too much. I sometimes argue with myself, tell my self that I need discipline in financial matters, and yet there's a conflict of interests, and an ideological paradox. An other self's phil o so phy states that when you have it you spend it and when you don't you don't. Formal and conditioned interests versus innocent blue-eyed recklessness.
Angry. Why?
Dull .. it happens.
Felt blocked today. Not productive. I must contemplate and come up with a personal methodology to work around that. Or to use it for my constructive benefit. All is to be utilized. Well, all c a n be utilized. Takes some thinking sometimes, some chanting. How I love chanting. Yet .. I stand in my own way. Too often. Too much.
"The time has come to mo-oo-oo-ove on .. Most of every day is full of tired excuses."
Excuse this introspection. I'll try .. to incuse an extrospection. "The fire fades away."
I'll spend this weekend reading/studying reflecting if I can remember to and contemplating if I can be arsed. Performative urgency .. where does that lead? What is my ultimate field of research?
Be damned if I know.
Uncertainty, at the heart of creativity? "Further on, nothing.." .. so some claim. Scares my socks off.
Still tasting the red,
..kH
