Monday, June 06, 2005

Life is so confusing.

At many points in my life I feel so in control of everything. Of myself, my relations, my outlook, my attitude. Then there spring forth points where everything dissolves into disarray. Suddenly I am no longer in control, everything is washed forward and back by a big tidal wave of inner chaos and external circumstances. One should not let external circumstances bully one, but when the external circumstances are in accord with , or in a dramatic contrast to, something inner - with something on the inside of one's life, - then all hell breaks loose. . . or at least seems to break loose.
The state I am describing can be referred to, in buddhist terms, as karma. Everything in one's life is one's karma, there is the stuff one sees and deals with on an everyday basis, and then there is the latent stuff that one may not even be aware of, but can suddenly erupt forth with volcanic force. When this happens, usually because it is in accord with something external, one needs to be brave and in control. Or at least do the very best one can to make sense of what is happening, and then take action toward eradicating, and/or changing, whatever this suddenly manifested karma is.
It is at this point that I currently stand.

I am fortunate enough to get the chance to experience latent things from the inside of my life at this moment, things that I have yet to deal with. But now that I see them I am in a position to meet them head on, and purge them. Thankfully I have learned, through my practice of Buddhism, a method, or a means, to do just that. And I also understand that these things have only surfaced because I can, at this point in my life, deal with them. They should not have to hurt me or anyone else. These demons have manifested, and lined themselves up, to be shot down and moulded into a positive.

Well then, .. here we go. Sleeves up. Out on the battlefield.
And on to something not totally unrelated; I just had a magnificent weekend. Will it prove life changing? If not, at least it will certainly have been character building.

Thanks go out to those that deserve them. They know who they are.

Loading my karmic weapons,
..kH